Ha Ha Ha Nothing to see here!

Ive always thought of the way my brain works

as having wild horses in my head

They only want to run free

this is my biggest struggle

Right Now

with how everything is going

that instability 

&

I know ya think ya gunna come up an wanna interact with me

but I see ya comin

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd

I want no part of it

its come down to this

I am more myself

when Im by myself

I am more productive when 

Im left alone

and Im only truly happy when Im engaged in 

some sort of creative pursuit

and no one will probably read this 

and that's ok

I just have to get some words outta my head

if they stay in my head I feel like 

my brain will rot

***

Im ok with rebirth

Im ok with reinventing 

Im ok with change

I feel like this is a great time to become less fake

more real

chances to choose what's more suitable

maybe these were decisions we should've made before

but we needed a push to make them

Im not afraid of hard work

my whole life feels like its been preparing for this level of adjustment

LIFE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CONSTANT COMBAT

with your ideals

with what you thought life was 

what you want your life to be

&

when it comes down to how you are treated

you back away from the instability

you don't need it

you've known it for a long time

and that lil voice inside your head 

that has been trying to guide you

trust it

***

but what am I really even saying

who cares

you don't know me

I don't know you

we all have to get over it

all of this is essentially a blip in time

a blink of an eye

that glimspe of the wild horse in the distance

somewhere you can't walk through

brush and reeds

knee deep waters and currents 

where do those horses go

you might not ever find out

I paint to tame them

maybe these paintings are my salvation

maybe they just pass the time

the lil voice at the back of my mind 

says

they are me

and they are ready to live