Thursday, July 28, 2022

Caught Between Quantum Reality & Magical Thinking: An Update

 


Running thru mazes

Just hopping along 

The gardens are wild 

And waiting for attention 

There’s a wee bee hive by the front windows 

Otherwise 

Indoor stuff is benefiting from having to keep an eye on

The elder pets

A week ago

We feared that both of them 

Were racing each other to the rainbow bridge 

Now

Pup has a special diet and gets lux noms 

4 times a day

Living her best life 

And our best brother mr mars

Is fading 

Like a bloom

Until we meet again 

Honey bear 

Will be any day now

Gasp

Sob

Deep sigh 

We all know this day will eventually greet us…

It still cuts 

We have been giving him everything he wants 

Mostly it’s napping on the porch 

And going out to the backyard 

We have many long chats 

And cuddle time…

Other than these things …

We have other looming weird adulting

Phone calls

Logistics 

Where’s the money coming from

Decision based roll playing games

Lol

I’m getting really into moths…

And there’s been a kitchen makeover change up

Happening…

Every other day I’m thinking:

I hate it

Or 

Push this as far as it can go, then keep going!

No regrets…

Like a crazed pirate on a ship of paint and decor…

And 

There is…

The current baseline of existence 

Being burnout 

So 

Kindness 

Compassion 

And care

Is being shoved into focus 

And comparison is 

Crumpled like a piece of paper and tossed…

In the recycling bin 

Because we Care.

That’s it 

Gotta go

I’ve resumed journaling 

And the pen is calling…

X-J

Wednesday, July 27, 2022

A Poem Today, An Update Tomorrow

 




How to hide

When 

No one is looking 

The trick

Is coming 

And the buckets

Are soaring 

Birds gathering 

On

Limbs 

Of kings

Soaking up

The last light

In 

The day

That never ended


Coll: Results 7/27/22

Monday, July 11, 2022

Smudged Painting

 



Living 

Day to day

In a gruesome 

Painting 

That smudges

At every

Turn 

Of every page 

On this calendar 

And I breathe 

Different air

And I see

Chaos

In a new structure 

Not built 

By these living things

But shadows 

Snatching 

And 

Scratching 

At our feet


Mr Mars is still with us, I think, if it didn’t feel so emotional, I would say that he’s doing particularly well. All things considered, he’s up and about, eating very well, etc… visibly, he has changed so much, and light as a feather. Just a daily reminder that he has gotten off the expressway and is heading towards the rainbow bridge…. 

Friday, July 8, 2022

Julys Manifest Course Correction



Wearing red

Feeling red

Looking at blue

Deep breathing 

And not forgetting to hydrate 

Taking in nutrition 

Not just temporary medicine 

I’m following the instincts 

And correcting 

The negative self talk

That voice

Is not mine ~ it never was.

Anyway ~

Messages from the outside on the heavy humid nights ~

We now have enough “yard” to need an actual lawnmower ~

Battery powered and self propelled FTW …

A lil capture from the wyze cams for you…


This is a view from The Arches in the east yard~

We have some raised garden beds of the hugelkultur variety~

Lined with logs from our dead standing trees.

There are planters waiting for their drainage holes to help encircle the table and chairs within ~ whatever will we nestle into these planters… ? ? ? 

I now understand why I have heard that gardens can take 20 some-odd years to build. And considering that I’m building it up from having a derelict wooded lot ~ then terraforming up~ with removal of a monoculture of eastern white pine that had sucked all of the water from the soil. And not to forget the invasive bittersweet vines, etc… and coming up with a plan that has evolved as we’ve gotten along… I get it. 

Maybe we will win the lotto and hire in and have it all delivered and installed in a wink… dreaming is free…


Lil Kit is helping me with my cool oil footbath~
So curious, and cute, I think it helps soothe and charge the process. Cold soak on a hot day is refreshing… reminds me of the old pool days, sitting on the edge and putting the legs in… 


And we have been keeping our lists of wants and needs going for the home projects… 

We are gluing our brains together at this point tho, Bodies & Entities~ would be nice if we could get some handy hands to come round and take our monies. But, it’s no one getting back to us land as we wait for the train to do it yourself purgatory…

Jokes on us, eh…? Well it’s all in the same breath that some of these blokes say ‘no one wants to work’ as they aren’t takin the job or even messaging back… they’d rather hold on to their economic model of keepin the cash and not giving a living wage to their crew… prove me wrong luv, k, I’ll wait till you get back from ye summah house vaca… jokes… 

As I keep accumulating tools to do these things, we are going to really need that garage…. BUT WHOS GUNNA BUILD IT!!!

Belly laughs!


Who will
Build
Our extension?
New kitchen 
And garage with the almost finished apartment 
Thingy 
Hmmmmmmmm???
I tell you what…
The contingency is…
Keep going on the garden 
And
Bide my time 
Until the house is worth double what we 
Bought it for (mebbe sooner than later)
Then go buy 
A house with a garage and the bells n whistles 
Buh bye
Sorry house
Thought we would die here
Loved you much
And our hearts are broke
But
The last 6yrs of begging ppl 
To get back to us is a lil bit much
From electricians 
To landscaping 
And trim work and front door 
Don’t forget the 
Screen porch 
Idk
It’s why bother 
It’d be easier to sell and move all our stuff again 
Lol 
Who would have thought it?

No wonder I’ve been seeing red….

Buh, shake of that mood now*

And what could shake us more~
One of the manuscripts I’m working on  
Is about this lil lady, my great grandmother’s sister 
I was given a picture from a Facebook friend~
& as it turns out is a distant cousin ~
Anyone else get into ancestry while quarantined?
Details filled in a bit…

I think about this bit of the family 
Every day.

Ok that’s it~ for now~
X~ J aka Painter Le Fay 



















































Monday, July 4, 2022

New Exorcist/New Maps

 



New exorcism 

New exercise 

New setting of the mind

As we have wandered 

While wandering 

Into new meadows 

So thick 

With elements 

Of can’t 

Can nots

And 

Don’t even consider it 

What it creates 

Domicile 

For the flyers 

The crawler 

And the dissolver 

Of comfort 

On levels 

Rarely seen

Take hold

Make

Your own can’ts now

Draw down

The battle lines

With binary faith

Noble branches

Nearly cut

To serve as boundary 

And new map drawn

Sovereignty 

As red as the tresses 

And flags 

That arise 

In the delicate 

Balance 

Of can’t 

Friday, July 1, 2022

Only Hope

 


Delicious entities…

The time guardians are holding me close

As thought is deepening 

And decisions loom

I am crawling 

I offer you 

This new bite 

Of the newest collection of poems

“Results”


Maybe 

Next year will be better 

The next conversation 

The next meeting 

Meal

Breath 

Fall

Variable speed 

As we watch each other 

Grow old

Around 

The sun

We go

Without 

Expectations 

Only hope 



Until next time ~J aka Painter Le Fay