I can’t tell you in words
The depth of feeling
When I had the realization
That my spritely energy
My drive and enthusiasm
Had diminished
And was now
Undeniably apparent
And hopelessly noticeable
This was taking months to finish
Am I finished now…?
I am not sure…
This room has been in process since March
And now I could go on
Recounting the ways
That I feel that I’ve come up short
Or that my energy levels
Or my health
Mental or physical
Has been a bother
A hindrance
A veritable thorn
In my side
I’ve have had a rough dance
Around the truth
And found
For what seems to me like
The thousandth
And last palatable
Disturbance
From the individual perspective
Of the outer environments
Of the current realities
It has been the scrape
Of the knife
To knock off the veneer
That was the life I made
For long enough I sat with my feelings
For this matter
Feeling for some time
That I didn’t deserve to have
A grieving process
For the likelihood was
My abilities to keep afloat
Were satisfactory in the belief
That I wasn’t entitled to
My root emotions
In response to my perception
Of comfort to hardship
And that
My dear friends
Is how
I became acquainted
With grief
As she came
Slept on the couch
Ate all the good snacks
And refused
To leave
Now I spend time
Addressing the billowing piles
Of projects
That whisper “finish me”
As I remind myself to take
A full deep breath
And try to hear
The energy call from deep under the weight
Of the details of each day
That now
I have to catalog
And keep track of by date
To quell the muddled cacophony
That comprises my daily scramble
To be on top of it all
Stay safe
Learn stats
What’s the outlook
Who are you
What do you do
Follow your drive
Keep going
Be nice…
Haven’t felt very proficient in that last one lately…
Who cares…
There’s still hope…. Sure…
6 manuscripts started and 5 collections of poems
I’ll need an attitude pass for now
If you don’t mind
I’m effing sad
How are you?
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