Anniversary

 

Today is our anniversary! Yay! Something to celebrate!

The world is not normal and I am not “normal”... 

In the throws of having no resilience, after being in a pandemic for more than a year. I’m supposed to be stronger than this - that idea is not helpful- I threw it out the window. 

Our diy wedding was the reason I started the blog... 

My brain is running on zero spoons- so I sit here with a kitten on my lap... 

listening to the tree work we are having done- which I’m not as happy about like the first time... it’s taking care of the problem trees we have and improving our light and moisture issues- but my brain is so wired to see the problems and the energy I don’t have to deal with any extra details or decisions... you think I would’ve known that maybe now is not the time to add anything extra to my daily thought process... but here I am with a kitten on my lap... busting my ass to distract myself out of yet another panic attack... 

This rage all comes from a twisted perception of hardship vs comfort... and I’ve had too many hardships in the last few years that now I mostly see hardships exclusively. I mean the snappy quips and not taking any BS edge I’ve developed is quite amusing at times- but I can live without the freeze. The can’t start my brain in the morning- can’t make decisions- forgot the laundry downstairs & now I have to wash it a third time kinda stuff... 

I’ll live- whatever- I just hope that someday I get my core back- I miss me... 

Do y’all know what I mean?