Saved By A Bear

 

The Bear lives

Out of

Hibernation 

Moments 

Lived 

Out loud 

Now 

And ever more

A toothier grin

Meets and greets

All who enter 

This circle 

All

Who dangle 

Carrots 

All who chose to toy

With 

This 

Newly Crowned 

Mother 

Who knew having a breakthrough in therapy would help me kick into high gear with reparenting myself. 

Discovery of a life lived according to how I treat myself, instead of how I try not to impact upon others. 

I take care, and give, according to my needs, squelching that never ending feeling of emptiness & hunger. 

The Mother Bear is the default setting and filter that all must pass through now.

Fried Chicken Escape

 

Auto door closes. I had to go! I put the kitty litter in a bag, then in a box, and then another bag still. It should travel well…

I got a cool greeting and a “I’ll be right back”… 

No where to go.

Would it have been different within the worlds of comradery?

All would’ve had to been rolled right back…

To the beginning.

Sleeping on the floor, with everything I could grab… in a plastic bag…

The igloos embrace was more palatable.

Out of the frying pan 

As the saying goes 

Tick tock 

Big Ben rings…

Where did they go? 

Where are they?

Two months, bleeds into a shopping trip…

I think I know why you came back with only a bucket.

I left the same day.

Cards on the table.

Babe

Only names names.

I see you, and now you know what I saw.

Even if memory never serves you after this point.

History was written on that day.

And then, and again. 

None of us knew how we fit in.

To your Fried Chicken Escape.

****************************

It’s not like I woke up this morning, thinking, let’s write about something painful… I think I was 27…

Tapping Trees~ Not What You Think

 It’s Maple Sugar Season in my mind… 

And as writing goes

Someone had turned the tap on

Full throttle 

And two new collections of poems 

Are being birthed

One about my “Inner Child”

Called “My Little Shadow”

And one about Trees

Called “I Spoke To Trees”

BUT!!!

Before we go there…

Let’s do more from “Flights”

66:

Waking up 

In a maze

Where

Is the way back

The way

Any way

Relief 

A path 

Some progress 

And rest

Once I’m 

Home

Out of 

The cocoon 

And fly

So far away

Flights~ 64: Some of the Answers

 

64: Some of the Answers 

Hey V

You had no idea

What 

Lay beneath 

In every layer 

In all our heads

As you sang

And road along

Sometimes in reverse 

Friends and Fae

Family and 

The occasional stray

Questions 

Whether 

You will have 

All of the questions 

And some of the answers 

I Miss Being Disgusting

There were moments 

Earlier on

When the thought 

And thoughts 

Of cross 

Breeding 

Touches

From areas of trash

Spoiled bits

Staining 

And grit

Would have 

Had me

Leaving trails

Of dust

Of

May very own 

I trained 

I fought 

I got through 

Without loosing a finger 

Or two

And now

Well 

The training was new

But the theories 

Were not

For now

Not for naught

Still 

Burning

And lighting 

Pain of thought 

Through 

All

Of the wet to dry

Chemical sifting 

And placing items

This way 

Not that

Under cover and overloaded

Never blindly handling

This torque 

In ‘havior 

Has trellised 

An invasive vine

Truly 

Unruly 

Embeddedly 

Into my broken soul

I miss being disgusting 

Sleeping Giants

 

Sleeping Giants 

At the end of the bed

Understandings

And 

Covers

Mud and Bone

Morning light

Brings 

This Bird’s song 

Breathe 

Breakfast 

Before the day 

Truly 

And 

Unruly 

Begins

To begin

Rested

In the cupcake appetizer 

And arrested 

In the widths 

And breadths

Of 

Heavy Blankets 

Of notions 

Commotions 

And held back emotions 

I sit

On memory 

Foam

I Stand Like A Broken Cookie

 

There is

An easy bake

Answer

Frostings 

Glamour 

And crunchy 

Toppings 

Masterful 

Ingredients 

Nutrition 

In theory 

As I crumble 

As we chew

As existence 

Butters us up

To take us down 

I am 

Handed 

Something 

Shiny

Delectable armor 

Radical shields 

Impenetrable 

Intrepid 

Unwieldy 

As it may be

I can carry

In black and white

In

High contrast 

This sustainable

Capable  

Energy 

Even as

My cookie 

Crumbles  

I Stand

Flights ~ 63: Other Voices

 

63:

Other Voices

Coming through 

Lightning 

In my throat 

No words

Surface 

No words

Betrayed 

Us

Again

Flights ~ 62: Pebbles

 

62: Pebbles 

I look at you

Sweet pebbles 

As you dance

In your rush

Past my feet

Awash 

In the waves

That remove

All

Chances 

Of us meeting again 

I will

Remember you 

May not have 

Memorized

Our

Whole 

Connection 

Never the less

I found you 

Beautiful 

Flights~ 61:

Made the mistake of watching the news this morning… we have snow coming today… I just wanted the local weather… 

Ugh… grey skies, cold, gloom… war… that’s the forecast…

 61:

Whittled 

You

Down 

To less than 

Love

Less than

Life 

Less than 

Able to 

Make even a tiny

Warble

Of a hint

Of vibration 

Tumbled

Piece 

Of sea glass 

Never 

Sharp

Again 

Flights- 60:

 

60:

Maps

To my heart

Buried 

With the treasure 

They lead to

Unholy 

To forgive 

Unhinged 

With regret

Needing 

Guidance 

With fortifications 

Left to build 

A house of cards

In a stiff breeze 

Under rock

Rocking

Battlements 

Always 

Under fire

For hunting 

Bounty 

Is capital 

And a crown

VACATION! From my problems…

 

This buddy got a surprise last night as they found the mother load of seeds on the feeder table…

I’ll include that clip from our wyze cams in the next Vloguary post on YouTube…

I can identify with this little bandit…

Hunting for sustenance 

Lurking in the shadows

Consuming everything and anything in sight…

My brain has been like this…

With creating our new room set ups…

New office where the studio was

New guest bedroom where the den/snug/tv room was

New studio where the old upstairs tv room was…

I make lists and lists

Some are my chores

Some are household chores 

Some are items to move…

Little yellow chest to new guest room

All cardboard to basement 

Don’t forget to wash the downstairs shower curtain

And don’t forget to water the plants~ you last did it on this day

Oof the plants are a true reflection of how my brain feels…

Languishing 

Needs nurturing 

Needs nourishment 

Needs time to get back to full strength…

And I don’t argue with the muses…

When they put inspiration in front of me…

I feel like I can not turn down that gift.

The timing is odd…

Being my winter wall/low vitamin D time…

I found I heap of information 

A wealth of knowledge 

Plethora of resources…

A rabbit hole if you will…

About inner child healing

Childhood trauma 

Shadow work

Behavioral type therapy goodness…

And as I consume the theory 

And find the patterns that match mine…

I feel a click…

And it’s invigorating as it is deeply saddening…

I feel comfort in the knowledge that there are tools here…

And I’m not the only one…

At the same time~ I have a very upset child inside of me…

She’s pissed… 

She’s broken every window in her room…

And the screams of rage…

They are sometimes all I hear……………

I know now that if I silence the white noise 

That is the cause and effect of this bee sting of emotional chaos

I might finally take the edge off

I don’t think I will ever be able to erase it 

Unless that machine that removes unwanted memory 

From eternal sunshine for the spotless mind movie…

But I pause

And look at that raccoon 

What does it represent 

Maybe that they can consume trash

And be nourished by it…

Unharmed…

And move along…? 

And they look cute with a smoky eye…

Maybe…